July 2010
10 posts
2 tags
The Palinite: “There was a report* that four hundred and seventy five illegal felons voted for Franken.”
The Paulite: “But that wouldn’t matter; that was a landslide!”
The Palinite: “Yup…”
The Paulite: “They can’t throw him out of office…”
The Palinite: [triumphantly] “That makes him an illegitimate Senator.”
...
1 tag
Then there was the time The Paulite went on a rant about food and the law.
The Paulite: “I tell my kids that salt is like a drug. It’s addictive and has harmful effects on your body.”
1 tag
Then there was the time The Paulite went on a rant about food and the law.
The Paulite: “They want to be able to tell you what’s OK to eat, and what’s not OK to eat.”
2 tags
The Paulite: “We claim to have ownership of property in this country, but we don’t own anything. The Government owns it, and they assert eminent domain over everything in the universe.”
The Palinite: “Just try to step on to my property! It’s up to you to defend your property, not the Government’s.”
Keep in mind that both of them work for a local...
1 tag
When The Palinite says something is “scientifically proved” it’s clear he has no idea what he’s talking about. Like just now, when he said that it’s “scientifically proven” that guns don’t kill people.
1 tag
The Palinite: “It’s worse than that! They want to make it so if you order salt in a restaurant, they get to add a 25 cent surcharge. It’s just a revenue-enhancement thing.”
2 tags
The Palinite: “The whole question about if treaties trump the Constitution came up again, because ol’ Hillary is working on getting some gun control by treaty.”
The Paulite: “Oh, see?! That’s exactly what I was talking about!”
1 tag
The Paulite: “Everything in Australia has to go through a central filter. That’s what they want to do here… if they’re not doing it already.”
1 tag
The Paulite: “Don’t you get the idea that the government has run amuck, and is being run by lunatics?” (the government employee said)
1 tag
Geography is hard. The Palinite just confused Somalia and American Samoa.
May 2010
10 posts
1 tag
The Palinite: “What if the ice ages weren’t caused by sunspots, but rather were caused by a 12,000 year cycle of volcanoes?”
Gee, if only there were some kind of evidence-based peer-reviewed statistical way to figure out the answer to that question without deciding the conclusion in advance? Wouldn’t that be great?
Even better, what if people didn’t poison the...
1 tag
The Paulite: “And when you want a recount, you just push the recount button, and it just displays that same number on the screen! ‘You want another recount? Here’s that same number again!’”
See, conservatives only lose because of liberal vote-rigging. Because clearly Americans want uneducated Christian racists and closeted self-hating gays in office and only dirty...
1 tag
Sarcasm - they’re doin’ it wrong.
The Paulite: [shocked] “Propaganda? From THE GOVERNMENT?”
The Palinite: “Of course. It’s their job.”
1 tag
The Palinite, in reference to yet another political sex scandal: “It’s the Playboy Penthouse fantasy. Back in the day, everyone was fantasizing about babysitter sex.”
Aren’t babysitters usually young teens? Ewww.
2 tags
The Palinite: “California is moving against Arnie and moving to legalize gun registration!”
The Paulite: “They’re ‘moving to legalize gun registration’? What does that mean?” He said this in a voice filled with sincere (I think) childlike wonder. So strange, these two.
2 tags
In 10 minutes, The Palinite and The Paulite have talked about:
illegal wiretapping, the video of American soldiers murdering journalists and children, Obama being a dictator, Hillary (Clinton) getting the presidential nomination, Hillary being appointed to the Supreme Court, the “Marxists” in World War I era Germany and propaganda, Glenn Beck’s “exposé” of Marxist...
2 tags
What The Paulite really thinks about Glenn Beck:
The Palinite begins laying out the evidence that he saw with his own two eyes on Glenn Beck’s show: ”Glenn Beck exposed — “
The Paulite interrupts: “Aw, man, that’s disgusting! They shouldn’t even let Beck around school children!”
1 tag
The Palinite: “The Marxists were making up similar tales during WWI [about killing civilians and spying on citizens] and used it to their advantage.”
2 tags
The right-wing view of civil liberties:
The Paulite mentions the recent court decision that ruled Bush’s illegal wiretapping as illegal, and The Palinite says it’s “old news”.
The Palinite says, with loud bravado, he has no problem with Americans being spied on, and that he knows he, himself, has never ever been. “If you don’t call terrorists, you don’t...
1 tag
In reference to Mexico:
The Palinite: “The vision of the adobe huts went away a long time ago.”
So good of him to correct a racist stereotype.
April 2010
17 posts
1 tag
The Palinite makes a prediction for 2010: “Looks like it’ll be Newt and Sarah, huh? The Newtster!” And he raises his coffee cup in a toast.
1 tag
The Paulite: [In a sad voice] “I just hate to imagine the fate of America if they run Sarah Palin against Barack Obama. It’s an insult. They’ll vote Barry in again, but… man. An insult.”
1 tag
Still on the topic of Jesse Ventura:
The Palinite: “I remember back when he was governor, he was going on and on about how wonderful light rail is. He’s just reading from a script.”
Because, clearly, nobody would be in favor of mass transit on its own merits.
2 tags
Somehow, the conversation between them turned to actor and former Governor of Minnesota, Jesse Ventura.
The Palinite: “If he wasn’t a pot-head, why else would he stand there and let the Predator tear his head off?”
The Paulite: “The Predator doesn’t smoke pot.”
1 tag
The Paulite: “I heard that Congress exempted themselves from the health care bill.”
Sometimes they say things that make me nod in agreement. Sometimes.
2 tags
The Paulite shows The Palinite a map of the recent Baja earthquake. ”Oh, that’s higher* than I thought! Still Mexico, though.”
Later, The Paulite says, in reference to our office building, “Oh, I’m sure this building has been earthquake proofed!”
The Palinite retorts, “I’m sure it was… in 1960 when it was built!”
* He means “more...
2 tags
The Palinite: “Now this French president is kissing up to Obama. Heh. French kissing.
The Paulite: “I think you mean GREEK kissing.”
They both snicker like 12 year olds.
1 tag
The Palinite: “Did you notice that Mexico had a bigger earthquake than Haiti and didn’t collapse? Go figure!”
Again with the collapsing. Once The Palinite gets hold of a meme, he doesn’t let it go.
2 tags
In the next cube, I hear The Palinite say: “I’ve got an article just for you!”
Paper rustles.
The Paulite: *GASP* ”Thank you!”
I listen in for a bit.
The Palinite thinks that a guy who got arrested for “brandishing a weapon” in a shopping mall is a plant by an anti-gun group (“The Brady campaign”, in The Palinite’s words) to enact...
1 tag
The Palinite: “If we could find a way to turn up the global warming, we could turn this area into Palm Springs!”
Yes, to him, that joke never gets old.
2 tags
Lately The Palinite and The Paulite have been waiting for me and our other co-workers to leave them alone before they really say what they’re feeling. When I walk into our area, I can often see The Palinite swiftly swiveling his head around to see who’s at the door, and the two of them mute their voices and bring their conversational threads to a close before going back to whatever...
1 tag
The Palinite: (sotto voce) “Watch what happens the first time it’s the President versus the [Supreme] Court.”
He chuckles to himself, looking down into his coffee cup.
2 tags
When The Palinite and The Paulite talk lately it’s usually in the Paulite’s cube, and in low hushed voices. And there are frequent references to “they”, the unnamed enemies and power mongers of the opposition.
But even then, the two of them don’t always see eye-to-eye.
The Palinite: “Do you think they’d be making fun of Hillary? They’re TERRIFIED...
1 tag
A co-worker brings up “Crazy Heart” with Jeff Bridges.
The Palinite, always looking for an opportunity to inject politics into the discussion, says: “I’m kinda boycotting the Bridges. They’re anti-gunners.”
Co-worker: “Not in this movie!”
Palinite: “Well of course not! That’s how he makes his money!”
Wait, what? The Paulite is listening to Alex Jones, who is warning his listeners that it’s the Democrats are the ones who are going to go violent? “I just hope that the jackasses in government know that we are trying to stop this!” Perhaps they can stop it by brandishing their guns? Smashing windows? Killing people?
2 tags
The Paulite: “Yeah, sheriff is a supposed to be a pretty high authority. That’s why I would love to get elected sheriff.”
The Palinite: “You know, in this state, you have to pass the test!”
The Paulite: “What test?”
The Palinite: “You’ve got to know the laws! You’ve been watching too much ‘Walking Tall’. You can’t...
1 tag
The Palinite: “Pretty interesting GB [Glenn Beck] last night - Napolitano* was there to talk about the Constitutionality about the whole ‘reconcilation’ thing. They’re callin’ it somethin’ different, now… We shall see. There will be a lawsuit.”
* Referring to Andrew Napolitano, former New Jersey Superior Court Justice and current Fox News analyst.
March 2010
25 posts
2 tags
The morning after the historic vote in the House on the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, H.R.3590:
The Paulite: “I think I can no longer trust him.” (re: Rep. Kucinich’s switched vote, from “no” to “yes”, on Health Care Reform)
The Palinite: “Do you think he [Dennis Kucinich (D-OH10)] got as much as Landrieu got for their bribes?”
1 tag
The Palinite: “What do you mean ‘When did Mexico collapse?’ When were they ever a functioning government in the first place?”
1 tag
The Palinite is most disturbed by the allegations of inappropriate touching by Eric Massa. “There’s no reason for nobody to touch anybody.”
Need a hug, dude?
1 tag
The Palinite on the Eric Massa controversy: “So the question is, why didn’t he punch him? Guy was a Navy vet, 20 years, and the guy thumped him in the chest in the shower? Why didn’t he punch him?”
Because clearly, that’s what Superstrong Macho He-Men do to solve problems in the Palinite’s world.
1 tag
The Palinite: “Europe is having trouble with their cocaine.”
These statements simply come out of nowhere. There’s never any context. He disappears into his office/workspace for a while, then saunters out, looks for someone he can talk to, and then opens up with his statement, out of the blue, and looking for the appropriate response so he can lecture the unenlightened on the...
1 tag
Alex Jones is playing in The Paulite’s cubicle, leveraging the recent passage of health insurance reform to tell his listeners that they’re going to die next.
“They’re coming for you! Oh, you laugh, and you think this is funny, but listen. You never thought you’d see the Bill of Rights shredded. You never thought you’d see socialist health care. The green...
1 tag
The Paulite: “America’s going to collapse. Just like Mexico collapsed.”
1 tag
Palinite: “You know the real reason you don’t hear about all the atrocities the Japanese committed in World War II, the cannibalism, the torture, and whatnot? After the war, Japanese envoys visited each of the state’s governors, and all 50 governors agreed to remove that from their schools’ curriculums.”
1 tag
Now The Palinite is defending Bush #43 by claiming Bush knew nothing about no email.
I believe him. This time.
1 tag
A fellow progressive and I are discussing LOST; specifically, Sawyer’s con games, when The Paulite roars out over the cube wall: “Just like Bush”, interjecting himself (and politics) into our non-political discussion. He pronounces it “Boosh”
This is how he differs from The Palinite: he never directly confronts anyone with his views. He waits until a topic of...
1 tag
In reference to the freeway collapse in the ‘89 San Franciso earthquake, The Palinite recounts his predictions from when he lived there in the early 1980s: “That freeway is engineered, there’s no way, no how, that could ever collapse in an earthquake.” He pauses, laughs. “I guess I shouldn’t have said that, huh?”
2 tags
Paulite: “Nazis go to those things [tea parties] to recruit.”
Palinite: (scoffing) ”Yeah, right! No goose-stepping here!”
1 tag
Palinte: “It’s like I told you: false flags and lies are sent out to get a certain percentage of the population.”
Ah, the paranoia of the modern conspiracy theorist; it’s what’s for breakfast.